friends


Thirty days hath September,
April, June, and [dull] November:
All the rest have thirty-one,
but silly old February spoils the fun.

Every time the 30th of September rolls around, this poem, learned in 5th grade, pops into my head.

It’s been quite the month. And maybe I am more agrarian than I like to admit, or simply tied into the school year eternally, but this has always seemed the beginning of the year for me. A change in the weather (supposedly), a new school year, new things to look forward to, the end of summer, etc.

I write this late at night and wonder where this year has gone. Part of me wants to write a “Year in Review” type post because this past year has been fraught with changes. Tim got a new job, we moved to CA, separated, I got a good job, I lost a good job, I got a better job, the kids started new school careers, Joy in Kinder and now 1st, Josh finished Junior High and is now a freshman. So many milestones covered in one short period.

I’ve had a lot of personal growth and some set-backs too. Not sure if I am quite willing, let alone able, to share them here. I only shared with one friend because she promised to keep my response confidential. It helps that she doesn’t really know or talk to any of my other friends 🙂 And we both hate gossip with a passion.

That’s another thing. In the last year I have come to know who my friends are, those who love me in spite of my faults, and those who would rather curse me and drop me like a hot potato because of my faults. And I’m making lots of new ones. I have discovered that good friendships are more healing and more beneficial to my spirit right now than any romantic relationship.

I’m learning to accept that I am human, not Wonder Woman like I like to think. In the past year I have learned that it’s ok to ask for help, and someone, sometimes quite a few someones will step up when you need them the most and expect it the least. I’ve learned that I am more fragile than I ever imagined myself to be, and trying to find the strength that others see in me.

And the roadtrips! I love roadtrips now. They have given me time to reflect, or just have fun. If you ever want to stretch yourself, or take the time to get to know yourself, take a roadtrip. Enjoy the journey, don’t focus on the destination or on getting there as fast as you can. You’ll miss out on too much.

Josh and Mike on Grad day

Mike and Josh at Graduation. I never thought I would see this day.

Joy on Grad day
Joy and her Kinder teacher.
Josh Graduating

8th Grade Graduation *sniff*

Jes and Nette

Me & Jes, roadtrip up to Portland. 12/2007

sunrise in the grapevine

Roadtrip - Portland to Cali - 12/2007

Miguel and me on my birthday

Me & Miguel at Kabuki in Pasadena - 8/2008

Jason and Me on my birthday

Me & Jason after dancing a bit at the 35er -8/2008

Bravo mini reunion

Mini- Bravo reunion. Represeted classes '93-'96

    

Tabby and Me

Tabbie & Me at the 35er (it was my birthday) 8/2008

Los Angeles Hiking Meetup Group

Los Angeles Hiking Club

 

In fact, I do believe it’s time for another one. Here’s to the beginning of a brand new year.

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the last few days have been tumultuous, confusing, lonely, and a myriad of other feelings that have ultimately left me emotionally and physically drained. Last night I received some respite as well as affirmation and assurance that I am not the nutcase I often feel like.

the lonliness is the worst. not knowing which friends to trust, or who even have time to listen to my misgivings and self-doubts, no one to talk to completely open and honestly. At least I am FINALLY aware of the type of decisions I make when I'm lonely, stressed out, and down on myself. Not acting on those impulses is getting harder and harder. and there's no one to lean on when I'm at wit's end. my spirit needs rest and restoration. my self-esteem is shot, and i feel like i have nothing left to give.

where do i go from here?


I think I need a dictionary at work. My vocabulary isn’t as big as I thought it was. Just look at the scores.

Yeah, I’ve been meaning to get these up for a while now.

So, I move back to L.A. and finally get around to sending out my new address. One of the replies is an invitation to a birthday party for one of the daughters of one of my best friends from junior and senior high school (let me know if you are confused yet). So anyways, Tim, Joy, and I get there on time (imagine that, and Josh didn’t want to go because it was a girl’s party). Angie recognizes me right away, I had to do a double-take, I recognized her voice, but … anyways! She looks good! It was so good seeing her, and then her brother and sister-in-laws showed up and one of her nieces and it was like being surrounded by family again. It helped that they all remembered me, and then kinda funny when … “aren’t you Geraldo’s daughter?” “yes”. My dad had stayed in touch with her family even after I left the state.

I have missed so many people! And I didn’t even realize it. It’s so good to be back home.

All of these photos and videos were taken on my Dash. Like a goof, I forgot my regular camera at home. It was one of those days.

Get home just after 5 to see Josh and friend playing video games. Josh asks “Mom, why are you home so soon?” I tell him it’s just after 5. He thinks it’s not that late. Joy wants to ride her bike and have Zoe with her. This doesn’t quite work out. I go through mail and call a friend to thank him for a gift. It made it here in record time. I walk Zoe while talking with friend and watching Joy ride bike. About 6 (while still talking to friend, it’s been quite a few months since we’ve talked) I go into house and start prepping the dishes. SAVE ME FROM 13-YR-OLD INNUENDO!!!!!! I finally kick all the kids out (Josh’s friend Nick arrives for a sleep over. Josh got me when I was only half-way paying attention and asked for a sleepover. What was I thinking???? I work tomorrow!). OK, so where was I?

6:15-8:00PM dishes
6:30-7:15 – kick all kids and dogs out and tell them to come back at 7:15, dinner should be ready.
sometime between 6:45 and 7:00 – phone dies totally and completely and I don’t feel safe charging it near the sink. Shoot off quick email to friend to explain what happened.
7:13 – kids return early. Josh sets table and kids eat (3 teenagers and one kinder) while I continue doing dishes.
sometime around 7:30 – kids finish eating and I do their dishes (again? more? I’ve lost track)
8:00-8:05 – I finally eat dinner and register a new postcard while the kids play video games and argue (I want more why????)
8:08PM Joy states: “No, instead of bath I’ll talk to dad”

I am ready to collapse!

And it’s not over yet. I still have to get Joy ready for bed. She REALLY needs a bath, but I think I will skip it. (yeah, yeah, I know, I’m a pushover)

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