anxietymonster I just can’t seem to get away from this monster. It started late Sunday afternoon with a sudden sense of loss and loneliness. I chalked it up to being tired and coming down from the informational high I got from Drupal Camp. It’s a long drive from Irvine to Lancaster, so I was tired, and worried about Josh. He’s been sick since last Wednesday or so, thought it was just a cough, now it appears to be the flu.

Then yesterday, I went to sleep ok, could not wake up. It felt like there was a heavy hand on my chest and cotton in my brain. I checked on Josh, who still sounded like he was trying to cough up a lung, so opted to stay home. And then realized, I had absolutely no interest in leaving the house, not even to get the rest of my stuff out of the car. “Great, just great, here we go again,” I thought. Then the shortness of breath despite no physical activity whatsoever. This is how I usually know that I am about to have an anxiety attack. And this uncontrollable urge to go back to bed and crawl under my blankets.

I had a bout of agoraphobia last summer that was particularly bad. I couldn’t even leave the house to walk the dogs. That was messy. Yeah, it was that bad. At least this time I have a job that can take my mind off my troubles for eight hours a day. And a sick kid to take care of. So long as I don’t have to take him to the ER.

Random Observation

Since I started blogging about my anxiety and tagging my posts, it seems that I have a notable attack about once a month. It doesn’t seem that often in my brain though.

Update

It’s Friday. I’ve been home all week and haven’t left the house at all. Partly because I caught a touch of what Josh has. I hate being sick, it doesn’t make the anxiety/agoraphobia/depression any easier to deal with, that’s for sure. I think I’m better. I still don’t want to go outside if I don’t have to, but I can if I need to.

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